Cranberries
by IOnlyDateEmpaths
Summary: What would happen if Jasper found his mate in an eleven year old Twilight loving girl? Wolves can imprint on children, so why can't vampires?
1. Chapter 1

Author`s Note: Wolves can imprint on children – so why can`t vampires? I always wondered about this, and YES: Natalie, Carlie, Tallulah, Tia and Elisabeth are the eleven-year-old equivalent of me and my besties and anything mentioned we actually did at some point (They are not our real names – you will never know those, except mine. I`m Charlotte). Oh, nobody gives a shit, but I picked Natalie because of the Spill Canvas song Natalie Marie and 1cc. It`s my favourite. I do not own Twilight or anything else mentioned unless specified pre-chapter.

***

It was a seemingly normal day when the course of my life changed forever.

I pulled myself out of bed at eight o`clock, placed a kiss on the My Chemical Romance poster opposite and put on my school uniform – white polo shirt, black trousers. At this point I noticed I would need a pad today; excellent.

_Oh well_, I thought_, at least cramps can get me out of PE. If there`s one main trait I have, it`s that I _despise_ PE. _

The cream-coloured carpet felt good beneath my feet as I walked sluggishly downstairs, pausing at the bathroom for a new 'rag', as I called them. Woe betide anybody who crossed me today. Hormonal eleven-year-olds are not fun.

Same as every other day, I ate a bowl of Krave, brushed my teeth and sorted out my bag. Water bottle, reading book (I stopped reading kid`s books a _long_ time ago – my current read was _Patient Zero_. I`m really quite badass.), pencil case, juice bottle – because they only serve water when I have school lunches, I hate water and, quite frankly, I`m an awkward bitch. Sue me.

Yay, off to Hell I go then.

_Oh shut up Natalie, stop being so emo_.

I`m not emo, I`m a scene kid.

_Just stop talking to yourself and get your Mum to take you to school._

Yes Mistress. I went into the conservatory to get my mother.

"Mum, can you take me to school?" she looked up from her book; _Twilight_. Figures. Damn my Mum and her Team Jacob ways!

"Yeah, one sec," she slid a piece of stained card into the book and slammed it onto the table.

When Twilight took hold of my mind a while ago, my Mum decided she just had to see what all the fuss was about.

I remember starting off Team Edward, but looking back, I wonder what I saw in that ugly bastard. I got into fanfiction, started writing my own. It comes naturally to lie about my age. About a week later I was feeling daring, and I read my first lemon. They quickly became pretty much all I would read.

And then, one day, something changed. I was always cannon in my reading of Bella, perhaps obsessively so. The main reason for this was that it was my common belief the only non-cannon she featured in was Jacob, who I incidentally want to murder. Edward; I read Edward slash. I came across something wonderful that day, though: The Bellsper ship. I think it took exactly two one-shots to change my views completely and send me right over to Team Jasper.

"Natalie, come on!" Mum`s voice pulled me out of my daydream. I nodded and stalked sulkily into the dining room to grab my saxophone. Yes, I play saxophone. Clap if you wish.

We clambered into the yellow Skoda, still half asleep, and she pulled out. The reggae CD in the player woke me up as we drove, vibrating the entire car as Buju Banton sang in his rich, deep voice.

I grew up on reggae; Mum adored it and frequently went to see people like the _Iration Steppers_. I was more of a metal girl myself, but part of me still had that natural ability to decipher the lyrics to this, even when the song was currently at the speed of light. It was handy.

She stopped at the edge of the road and I got out, grabbing my sax and blowing her a kiss. Suddenly, I felt the hairs stand on the back of my neck. I wasn`t cold, I was too 'insulated' to get cold. It felt weird though, like someone was watching me. I turned slowly as Mum drove away. At first I saw nothing, just the other late kids making their way to the school gates. But then, still turning, my gaze found him.

He was standing across the road from me, far up away, by the farm gate. A woman stood with him. She was tiny, shorter than my slightly premature 5 feet 2 inches (I don`t care that Europe uses the metric system; I weigh stones and pounds and I am feet and inches tall.) and seriously thin. Black hair stuck out around her pale face. The man beside her; it didn`t matter that he looked to be in his twenties and I was still at Primary School, I was tempted to ask him out. Then again, when I was on I would hump a wall.

He was lean, yet muscular, just how I liked it – just because they couldn`t ogle me didn`t mean I couldn`t ogle men yet – and wearing dark jeans and a white button-up shirt.

_Yum yum yum. _

He was also pale, his hair blonde and thick. I was practically drooling right now.

My eyes met his for a second and I shuddered. The sight of him sent electricity through me; I could almost see sparks fly from him to me.

Now, don`t get me wrong, I do know the dangers of paedophiles. I know about rape, murder, torture and so on. But right now...

I don`t believe in love. Never have, never will. In that moment, though, I felt a physical pull that sent stabs of sensation through my heart. It seemed like he felt it too, because he grabbed the girl`s arm and tugged her off, still staring into my very soul through my eyes.

I shrugged off the sudden sense of loss and jogged up to the gates, trying to get to my class before register. It was that moment that I realized: The man and woman looked an awful lot like Jasper and Alice...

***

"Nat, have I told you recently that you`re a nutcase?"

"Always, Carlie," I smirked. "Every single bloody day."

"Don`t swear, Natalie," a passing teacher said sharply.

"Bloody is not a swearword, it`s a useful adjective!" _Thank you Vicar of Dibley. _The teacher ignored me. We waited until the coast was clear before continuing the conversation in the empty toilets.

"I`m telling you though, he really looked like Jasper! It takes a hell of a lot of hotness to convince me someone is worthy of comparison with the gold-eyed sex god that is Jasper Whitlock."

"Amen to that, sister." There was the real Carlie Marissa Knight – an eleven-year-old in the body of a nine-year-old with the mind of a twenty-year-old. Do me a favour; don`t tell her I said that. She could get as scary as me sometimes.

Cal was probably my best friend. She was seriously funny and pretty smart. We must have looked more than slightly weird standing side-by-side though, her reaching just below my shoulder and being so damn thin, me towering over her in an intimidating way, built like an effing _house_.

The two of us were like family. It was not a rare thing for me to randomly ask my Dad if she could come to ours and then we do nothing but still crack each other the hell up all night. Particularly in our in-depth discussions about Twilight and the intensely fit boys Meyer invented.

She was a Team Carlisle, but like me she started off on Edward. I couldn`t deny it, I did love Carlisle as well.

Put simply; Carlie was, is, and always will be, awesome.

"Ok, and, the girl next to him was like Alice. Not Ashley Greene`s Alice, book Alice. Short and skinny, remember?"

"Who cares about the girl?! Tell me about the GUY!" I think I was a bad influence on her. Oh well, I modelled someone in my image.

"Well, he actually looked sort of... Scary."

"No way, he scared the almighty Natalie Alcock? The man must be Satan himself."

"Satan would scare me less, Cal. He was really unnerving. He wasn`t like Jackson Rathbone, but God he was still hot. I have nobody to compare him to."

The door to the girls` toilets flew open. A tall year six, same build as me but thinner, stepped in. Black hair was tied behind her head in a lime green bobble, loose and hanging low. It could only be one person – Tia Cole. This meeting of the Twi-gals was officially underway.

"Hey Tia, guess what?"

"What is it?" she seemed to be in a bad mood; she obviously hadn`t had her fix of Edward photos today.

"I saw this man outside school that looked _exactly_ like Jasper from Twilight. He was _so_ fit!" I squealed. Tia had the power to bring out the fangirl in any woman, be it _Twilight_, _Harry Potter_ or Tom Jones that got you all hot and bothered.

"You sure he`s not a paedo? Messing around outside a primary school, I mean, come on."

"I don`t get it, to be honest. It was really weird – I just felt this strange sensation and I turned around. He was standing up by the farm gate with this girl that looked like Alice. Then his eyes touched mine and I felt this pull, and then they ran off."

Tia was deep in thought. I briefly wondered if she was just fantasizing about Edward Cullen. She most definitely was.

"I`m sick of feeling like Dana Scully right now, can we get back to a normal subject?"

"Read any good lemons lately?" of course Carlie would ask me that.

"As a matter of fact, I have."

***

I managed to get through English with Mrs Beck without thinking about that guy. English was my second most-hated lesson. It wasn`t Mrs Beck, she was epic. She was the science co-ordinator and maths was so very _her_, they were both my favourite subjects. I could write well, or, my FF readers told me I could, but the kind of crap that English entailed was most certainly not my thing.

I almost sighed in relief when the bell rang for lunch. I was sick of writing this stupid persuasive leaflet right now; plus it went against everything I believed in. I was being forced to write something to convince others that _my_ beliefs were wrong. School doesn`t get any more fucked up than that.

I darted out of my chair to find it was raining; inside break then. And, of course, no PE. I could have sang.

It felt good to sit inside with my head in my hands, just thinking. Thinking about maths, thinking about the weekend, thinking about Jasper...

"Natalie, do you want to do _'I Love'_?" it was Elisabeth Redfern, another one of my best friends. Lis loved _Twilight_ too, but she was more of a Georgia Nicholson person.

"Hell yes! I haven`t done that in ages!" she sat in the chair next to me and we turned to face each other. We clapped and then smacked hands as Lis sang;

"I love Carlisle, he`s my life, I wish I could be his wife."

I replied with, "I love Jasper, he`s my life, I wish I could be his wife."

We both said, "We love them all because they`re our lives, we wish we could be their wives, want to jump in the book and never come out, how many Twi-guys can you count?"

"Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle,"

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper,"

Once again, we both sang, "Vampires, werewolves, normal guys, how oh how do I decide? So many hotties from which to pick, I want to take a ride on their disco sticks!" I had written _'I Love'_ not long ago. It was my child.

"You`re picking that up fast, Lis," I commented. Apparently it wasn`t easy to remember for the others.

"Thanks. Cal told me that you saw something cool earlier." I explained what – or who – I had seen.

"Um, do you think you could maybe be just a teensy bit obsessed?"

"Oh, shut up." she laughed.

"Say whatever you want, you _know_ I`m right." The truth was, I did.

***

We finished our leaflets that afternoon. It was good to know I didn`t have to write anything about that again.

"I`m not binning this," I announced to my table, holding up my draft. "I`m burning it tonight."

"Cool!" one of the girls on my table exclaimed. "You can have mine too, if you want." I took the pale green paper from her hand.

"Take mine!"

"And mine!"

"Nat, could you video mine burning?" Joe asked. Joe was my ex-boyfriend, the first boy I`d ever crushed on. We had been friends since year one, completely inseparable. It said something that even when he was bullying my friend in year two and I punched him in the face, giving him a lip bleed (I was tough as a six-year-old), we remained best mates. One day I finally got the courage to ask him out, and, to my shock, he said yes! It lasted one day, but nothing got weird when he dumped me. I was a die-hard feminist and men couldn`t put me down that easily. When I think about it, Joe was the only boy I liked at all and I was lucky to have him.

"Of course!" I eventually got eight draft pieces, an old poster from Lis and Cal`s 'Sport Council' and about twenty pages of Lis`s notes from our Shakespeare biographies. Tonight would be _fun_.

The bell went a few minutes later, signalling the end of the day. I knew I still had school band practice, but Lis and Cal both went so I would be just fine.

"Mrs Beck, do you think this would create noxious fumes if I burned it?" I held up the plasticized foil 'Head Teacher`s Award' sticker I had received in assembly that morning for working so well in science.

"Probably," she replied, "but I`m guessing that you`ll burn it anyway, what with being such a pyromaniac."

"It`s not exactly a secret," I smirked. Oh yes, tonight would be so much fun.

She sighed and continued to tidy her permanently messy desk. It was a phenomenon really how she managed to get it that untidy.

"Natalie, we`ll be late for band!" Carlie was standing in the doorway with her bag on one arm and her clarinet case in her hand.

"Mr Daniels doesn`t show up until about twenty to four anyway, we`ll be fine!" I groaned, dashing into the entrance hall to get my saxophone.

Band was fun, but it always is. We played our new piece, 'Guava Guy'. When everything was packed up and Mr D let us leave, I removed the strap from my instrument and threw it into the air graduation style with a cry of "Huzzah!" This earned me a lot of weird looks.

Everyone left quickly until it was just me, Cal and Lis. Carlie`s Mum was the school receptionist, so Carlie always ended up having to stay at school until half past five when her Mum left. Because of this I always tried to stay and entertain her for a while.

We chatted for a bit, until I got bored. I am the kind of person who does bad and or stupid things when bored. I kicked off my shoes, stood up on a PE bench and started some air guitar. My friends knew better than to talk to me when I was in random-as-fuck mode.

"Well every night I get some money and I go down to the bar,

I got my buddies and a beer I got a dream I need a car.

You got me begging on my knees come on and throw the dog a bone,

A man he doesn`t live by rock and roll and brew alone!

Baby, baby,

Rock and roll and brew, rock and roll and brew,

They don`t mean a thing when I compare them next to you.

Rock and roll and brew, rock and roll and brew,

I know that you and I we got better things to do.

I don`t know who you are or what you do or where you go when you`re not around!

I don`t know anything about you baby, but you`re everything I`m dreaming of,

I don`t know who you are but you`re a real dead ringer for love!"

_Well, that was random_, said the voice in my head I generally chose to ignore. _Not that there`s anything wrong with that, just-_

Shut up.

"What was that?"

"That, Carlie, was Dead Ringer for Love by Meatloaf."

"You realize your Dad`s here, don`t you?"

"Oh. Yeah. Cal, do you want to come to mine tonight?"

"Yeah, but what are we going to do?"

"Two words; worksheet, fire." her face lit up – I would make a pyro out of her yet. "I`ll go ask Dad."

I darted into the entrance hall and up to my Dad. "Daddddddddy," I said in my best cute voice, "Can Carlie come to our house tonight pleeeeeeeease?"

He sighed. "If her Mum agrees." I had my father wrapped around my pinkie, just like every other good daughter.

A short convincing conversation later and Cal and I were skipping over to my Skoda. The weird sensation were back and as we ran far ahead of my father I couldn`t shake the feeling someone was watching me.

"So anyway, it was officially the yummiest Jasper Bella lemon I`ve ever read. It had Jasper all dark, but not quite evil."

"Yum," she licked her lips.

"Oi, Twi-slut! Jasper is mine! You can have Carlisle." I was so engrossed in our conversation I didn`t notice the bump in the pavement until my face was inches from the ground.

I waited for the slightly painful impact, but it never came. Instead I felt something cold straightening me up and found myself staring into a pair of strange golden eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author`s Note: This story is quickly becoming my child. It will likely take over my others. I want to write an epic here, and I need you reviewers to help me! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, MY PRETTIES! Oh, and it`s good to know how many people have favourited it, particularly my girl AllApologies.**

_Don`t dry hump this man, don`t dry hump this man, don`t dry hump this man,_ I chanted mentally.

A lock of blonde hair fell into the person`s eyes and I had to claw at the school bag in my hand to avoid sweeping it away. I felt that pull again; it was so strong I could almost feel thick rope binding our bodies together.

"Careful, little girl," he breathed softly. His voice had me in ecstasy and he smelled so delicious...

It was like cinnamon and apple, his scent. Sweet but manly.

I guessed from his accent that he was American – I was your stereotypical yank-hating Brit.

His cold arms left my waist and I wanted to cry at the loss.

"Can I ask your name?"

_Don`t tell strangers your details._

SHUT UP you stupid mental voice!

_He`s NOT JASPER!_

I don`t care!

"Natalie?" it came out as more of a question. I turned to Carlie for confirmation. She was staring at this very sexy stranger in astonishment much as I had been. "Natalie Alcock and this is Carlie Knight." Oh my Science, I hope she doesn`t mind me saying that (Oh my Science is my new thing. I`m Atheist.)

"Natalie," he drawled. The way it sounded on his tongue made me shudder. "And Carlie." he nodded at her. "I`m Jasper Whitlock."

Carlie and I stared at him. "Jasper WHITLOCK?!"

He looked genuinely confused. "Um, yes. Jasper Whitlock Hale."

Oh.

My.

Science.

Jasper.

In Cheshire.

In _Sandbach._

I have died and gone to heaven.

Funny, thought Lucifer was planning to mate with me.

We could have some deliciously evil spawn.

"Nice to meet you Jasper. We really need to go now, sorry."

"I understand. Here`s my number, call me tonight. Both of you." he handed me a piece of paper with a number scrawled on it. I took it nervously.

"We will." I took Carlie`s hand and we ran to the car.

"Will we actually ring him? I mean, he`s about twenty and we`re eleven."

"We will ring him. We will go into the garden and sit on the trampoline and talk for hours with him on my mobile. I don`t care about his age. I felt that pull again."

"Nat, he had gold eyes_. Gold eyes!_ Maybe he is a vampire."

"I doubt it, but he did look just like Jasper."

"He _was_ Jasper. There`s no more questions on that; he is Jasper." I nodded and leaned against the car as Dad approached.

"Come on girls." we got in the car and travelled silently. I was wondering if maybe Stephanie Meyer didn`t have such a great imagination after all.

***

The moment we arrived, Carlie and I dashed into the garden. We would, of course, ring Jasper later, but right now we had more important things to attend to. Twenty-two people had given me papers to burn, and I wouldn`t let them down.

Holding up the sheets in one hand a lighter in the other, I nodded at Carlie, giving her the signal to start filming on my trusty mobile phone.

"You`re with us in spirit, Lis!" I cried. "WATCH THEM BURN!" The lighter was quite new, so it was hard to get the little button down. Being an expert, I managed on the second time. I touched it to one corner of the wad of about twenty sheets that Elisabeth had spent so long collecting.

Flames began licking at it instantly, but I waited until it was burning strong to lay it on the patio. We cackled as it burned. I added worksheets and old homework to it until we had a proper little bonfire consisting entirely of schoolwork. It was beautiful.

"Wait and keep it burning." she said, darting into my house. I knew she would have some master scheme so I waited patiently until she returned.

My jaw dropped. Carlie was holding up a large, full A4 picture of Jacob Black. She smirked and laid it on the fire.

"Mwahahahaha!" we said in sync.

"One last touch." I pulled the foil sticker from my polo shirt and touched it to the flames. It burned my fingers, but I was used to that.

We ran onto the grass that was slightly above the paved part of my garden and joined hands, beginning to sing.

"Burn Jacob, burn, werewolf inferno!" I was laughing so hard I think I may have coughed up a piece of my lung by then. Half wondering if I was actually physically on fire, I dropped to the grass and began rolling over.

When we finally got over our inexplicable laughing fit, it was time to perform the highlight of my day.

"Hey Natalie," Carlie smirked as I punched his number into Old Reliable, my Motorola RAZR V3i. "Do you think he has a Dad called Carlisle?"

"Probably. Do you think this hypothetical dad would be hot?"

"Definitely."

"Would you have sex with this hypothetical dad?"

"Obviously. Would you have sex with Jasper?"

"You know I would, Cal. That much should be obvious."

"It is!" she giggled. "You were practically rubbing up against him!"

"SHUT UP, it`s RINGING!" I flicked it onto speaker phone and we ran to the trampoline, lying on our stomachs.

"Natalie?" he had picked up. Oh, fictional God in fictional Heaven, he picked up!


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Jasper!" my voice was noticeably higher than it had been before.

"Yeah, hi!" Carlie squealed beside me.

"_Oh, hi Carlie. I was wondering if... My God I`m bad at this."_

"At what?"

"_At being human. At talking. At not seeming like a complete dumbass."_

"Tsk, tsk, Jasper." I tutted. "We 'British', as you yanks so eloquently call us, as you can apparently not tell the difference between a single country and a collection of four countries, prefer the term 'pillock'. You`re not going to fit in the land of hope and glory if you still talk like _that."_

"_How did you know I`m American?"_

"You can tell." Cal chimed in. "At some point in time we`ll give you lessons on how to speak like a proper Englishman."

"Bagsy teaching the insults!" I cried. "Sorry about that. Anyway, erm..."

"_I need to tell you two something. It`s stupid and weird and you might not believe it, but you need to listen. Are you alone?"_

"Yeah, we`re alone."

"_I researched that thing you were talking about, Natalie, Twilight."_

"I never said anything about Twilight to you," I said suspiciously.

"_I heard you muttering about it to Carlie when you left."_

"Oh, right. If you say so."

"_Anyway, you know the, um, the characters?" _

"Of course we do!"

"_They`re... They`renotfictional." I barely caught the last part._

"What?!"

"_When you first saw me before school, the girl I was with – her name`s Alice Cullen."_

"So she has the same name. She`s not a psychic vegetarian vampire."

"_You have to swear on your life not to tell anybody but, yes, she is."_

"Is Carlisle real then?!" Of course, this was Cal`s only concern.

"_Yes, just like Edward, Bella, Renesmee, Jacob,"_

"Is a paedo rapist." we coughed under our breaths.

"_Emmett, Rosalie, Esme and I."_

"And you`re all vampires, except Jacob, who`s a werewolf."

"_Yes."_

"_Vegetarian _vampires."

"_Yes."_

"Is Bella a shield, can Edward read minds, and does Renesmee do that weird projecting-memories-through-physical-contact thing?" Carlie asked.

"And most importantly; ARE YOU AN EMPATH?!"

"_Yes, yes, yes and a big yes. Do you believe me?"_

"Yes." we said together.

"_There`s... There`s one more thing I need to tell you; it`s disgusting and ridiculous, but it`s true."_

"W-what is it?" I was slightly scared now.

"_You know that when a werewolf 'imprints', they can do it on people of any age? A soul mate is a soul mate."_

"Yeah?"

"_It`s the same with vampires, except, well... Werewolves act as a brother or a friend until their mates is fifteen, then they become love interest. With vampires, they need their mate to accept them as lovers at age ten. I told you it`s disgusting."_

"You mean vamps, who have to be at least sixteen to be turned, have sex with their human mates when they`re _ten_?!"

"_No, they can have sex whenever both parties are willing, but, say, if a vampire 'imprinted' on a nine-year-old - they`ve never actually been younger than fourteen yet, but still – then at some point between their tenth and eleventh birthday, the human needs to have accepted the vampire as their 'boyfriend', I suppose you could say." _

"That`s seriously sick." Cal remarked beside me.

"I agree."

"_It`s not the worst bit, Carlie. Natalie, I... I imprinted on you. You`re my soul mate and we physically can`t live without one another."_

`SNOTREALIT`.

"Excuse me for a moment?" I said sweetly, climbing to my feet and stepping over the phone to the ladder on the trampoline. Cal was staring off into space, shocked. I slid off the trampoline, took a deep breath and ran around the garden screaming "THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE!" for about three minutes before getting back on the trampoline.

"Sorry about that." I said sheepishly.

"_I take it I don`t need to be worried about you rejecting me?"_

"If you`re my mate I couldn`t reject you anyway. Besides, it explains a lot. When I saw you today I felt this pull coming from you, when you left it was almost painful."

"_You realise that I can`t go without seeing you for any period of time now?"_

"Oh no, the sexy blonde whom I am in love with will have to talk to me and possibly snog me every day for the rest of my life and fuck me regularly from my sixteenth birthday to my death, however will I go on?" I said with mock horror. This broke Carlie out of her comatose state. We rolled around laughing and I heard Jasper`s silky laugh through the phone. It was an intoxicating sound.

"_First of all, I`m taking 'sexy blonde whom I am in love with' as a compliment-"_

"So you should."

"_-And second, it might sound more than slightly creepy for a vampire who was changed age twenty approximately a hundred and thirty years ago to say to an eleven year old, but I think I can live with making love to you regularly from your sixteenth birthday for the rest of eternity."_

"_Fucking_, Jasper. If you make love I don`t think I could live with you."

"_So the little girl likes it rough, hmm?"_

"You bet your firm arse I do, mister." I teased. We girls giggled. "But I noticed you said 'the rest of eternity'."

"_I will have to change you, Natalie. Even if I could live my eternity without you, the Volturi wouldn`t let you remain human. I`m afraid the same goes for Carlie." _She stiffened beside me.

"I get to be a vampire?" she squeaked.

"_Yes."_

Cal and I turned to each other, and then said in sync, "OH MY FUCKING GOD!" We embraced and squealed, practically leaping off the ground while still sitting. When we calmed down finally, I could hear laughter from the phone. Not just Jasper`s silky chuckle, but high pitched giggles and low laugh too.

"Um, Jasper, where are you?"

"_We live somewhere in Sandbach, why?"_

"Whereabouts in Sandbach?"

"_Um, Winterley."_

"Which is _where I live. _And Lis. God, you should meet Lis! She`d run about screaming if she knew you were real! Can we tell her? _Please, please_ can we tell her?"

"_We`ll think about that later."_

"Where do you live?"

"_Pool Lane."_

"I have friends there. I`m going to tell my Mum we`ll be out for a while, and then I`m coming to yours. We`ll get there safely. See you in a min... Oh God." I blushed at my next realisation.

"_What is it?"_

"First of all, is there anybody there with you?"

"_Everybody except Jacob and Nessie. You`re on speakerphone, Natalie." _Carlie blushed too. They`d heard her turn into a rabid fan-girl.

"THEN TAKE US THE FUCK OFF SPEAKERPHONE YOU TWAT!" I screamed. _Damn PMT. _She erupted into laughter beside me, along with everyone in the room through the phone – except Jasper, who sounded quite scared.

"_Okay, okay, you`re off speakerphone. Don`t talk to me like that." _

"Or what? You`ll spank me?"

"_Maybe."_

"Can you ask Carlisle to spank me?" Carlie asked hopefully.

"Cal! They can still hear us, you know!" I hissed.

"_Um..."_

"Let me explain. You know of Twilight, don`t you?"

"_Yes."_

"Well, undoubtedly Twilight appeals to women because the men in it are fuck-hawt."

"_O... Kay."_

"There were two main teams originally, as it was sort of a 'who do you want Bella to end up with?' thing. They were Team Jacob and Team Edward." Carlie began.

"Carlie, Lis, Tia and I started off Team Edward." I was sure I heard Edward laugh in the background. "Our other friend, Tallulah McCall, started off Team Jacob. We all, other than her, hate Jacob Black and want him dead. Sorry, it`s true." Bella – I assumed – growled in the background, while someone else, probably Rosalie, laughed.

"Anyway, when I became obsessed with Twilight, I started reading fanfiction. At first I kept to 'canon' couples – canon is what we call things that are kept the same as in the books. So, canon couples in this case are Bella and Edward, who I started off reading, Esme and Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett and, of course, you and Alice.

"We call the pairings 'ships'. They have names, combinations of the paired characters' names. The first story I read that wasn`t Bedward was Jalice. When I started reading your character as the male love interest I realised that I am completely in love with you.

"But I found that you and Alice just couldn`t be made for each other. I mean, it just doesn`t work. Alice is all preppy and cheerful, just so sweet. I actually didn`t like her character in the books. I`m a doom and gloom semi-gothic emo. You, however – and please don`t take insult in this, this is just how I speculated on your character before I knew you were real – are the exact opposite.

"For this moment in time I`m going to act as if I`m not describing you to you, okay?"

"_Fair enough."_

"I always imagined 'Jasper' as being everything Edward is – gorgeous, sweet, considerate, a gentleman – but with a bad side. And a pretty big one, too. Depressed, angsty, quick to anger, a violent person by nature. And, if I`m honest, that turns me on to no end."

"_Right, and Carlie?"_

"Well, when I shifted from Team Edward to Team Jasper because, and please put me on speakerphone for this," I turned to Cal and whispered what I wanted her to say. She nodded and on three we screamed, "EDWARD CULLEN IS A PRUDISH PUSSY-VAMP!"

"Anyway, when she told us, Lis and I stated paying a bit more attention to the minor characters, and the next day, whaddya know? I came to school and told my friends that I was Team Carlisle. Lis followed soon after. A while late Tallulah shifted from the dark side of Team Jacob to the light side as a Team Emmett, because we all just lurve those muscles, and Tia is still on Team Edward." Carlie finished.

"Plus, Cal has a spanking fetish," I quipped, earning a smack on the arm.

"_You`re not normal children, are you?"_

"You have _no_ idea."

_He he... Carlie, Lis, Tia, Tallulah (later on) and Natalie are very mature and have, as aforementioned, the smutty minds of twenty-one-year-olds. I may change the rating of this to M, but it will NOT have lemons or explicit content until Nat is at least fourteen. I know they don`t seem eleven, but that`s the point._

_Also, this story is only going to get more disturbing as it goes on (Jasper and Natalie lick each other`s tonsils next chapter *wink wink*) so if this is too much, then go read your sweet fluff and leave paedophilia to those who can stomach it. I WILL NOT accept flames for writing differently._

_And yes, the girl who Cal is based on has a spanking fetish. Don`t tell Podgy I said that, Tally (Tall-E). She knows who she is! _


End file.
